What didn't make the message...

Reflections from January 8, 2011...

As I was sitting at my computer yesterday in the midst of my message, I scrolled facebook while talking to my mom. I learned of the shootings of a Congresswoman and a number (7?) of gathered others at a day on her congressional district yesterday.12 persons were affected directly by gunfire. I can’t help but wonder if the shooting was motivated by fear. I understand the suspect is in custody.

In the wake of the death of Officer Hopper in Springfield, the reason for which we may never have answers, I am at a loss.

In my conversation with my mother, I asked if she could ever imagine a more divided nation, since she has a few more decades than me. She said no. I asked if she ever remembered a more violent time. She said no.

Of course, she has always been a middle class white educated female. I am certain there are folks in other life categories, other races, sexual identities, nationalities who have experienced more violence than her or me.

I am mindful of Sarah and two friends playing together upstairs, organizing a political campaign for JA Bizztown later this week.

One of my reasons for not having children sooner was that I was afraid of the world in which I might be raising my offspring. That was one of the numerous fears I overcame…but overcoming doesn’t meant hat fears are unfounded.

We follow one who says that perfect love casts out fear.But fear, any fear, can wield irreparable damage. Irreparable for God? No…nothing is…but that doesn’t mean folks come back to life. It doesn’t mean the dead rise. It doesn’t mean it’s safe to walk the streets. It doesn’t mean it’s safe to speak your mind…or to do your job, which is what Suzanne Hopper and Gabby Giffords were doing when they were shot.

Sarah and her friends were throwing darts. She came in the office to print something. I asked what it was. A picture of Justin Bieber. After much misunderstanding, I learned that they wanted to put his face on the dartboard and throw at it.

I was silent, stunned to hear such words from Sarah. She hadn’t been watching the news, and I remain deeply shaken by it. I explained to her the situation: People had been shot in Arizona. It appeared to be a targeted, deliberate act aimed at one person and those around her. It had been thought out, and those thoughts became action. And now people were dead and wounded. And the blood was spattered from coast to coast. I don’t think she understood me, but she could tell how upset I was.

We talked more about it later...and maybe she understands now. I was paralyzed after 9/11, paralyzed into action and higher consciousness of what was going on around me, around us. I pray for the same kind of awakening from this tragedy.

wack dream

Really wack dream. Finding pallets of treasure stashed away...at the church. Seemed they were in Eurotech-ish space. But I'm not sure if they were moved in from their hiding place or found there. Woke up before we fully went through them to see what was present or fully ascertained value. It was clear that we'd be provided for for a long, long time. Treasure was of various ages...very old, priceless in value, and newer, more potable, if you will, currency. Made me wonder how we used all of this to God's glory for the sake of the Kin-dom of God where we are and beyond. Not a bad dream to have into the new year. Metaphor of how much really is at our disposal...at God's disposal. Literally pallets of treasure, full of blessings unknown. I don't recall reading "in God we trust" on anything, whether that makes a difference or not...clearly it was all God's...will continue chewing on that one as I was rather reflexive in thought before sleeping, and when waking to that imagery.

looking back and looking forward

I've been reading of how we are beginning a new decade. It starts today. As I ruminated on that, I began to think of the life changes of the last decade in my life's history.

By this date in 2001, I had been a mother for 7 months. I was working for a company who had great respect for my knowledge and capacity, and who loved and cared for my family extravagantly! I was in my second DISCIPLE 1 class making friends who continue to form and shape my life. Sarah was terminally dubbed "The Church Baby" by Bill and Melinda. Brook was in the class, an answer to a prayer from more than 2 years prior, and God was stirring me up fiercely again. It had been during my first run through DISCIPLE that I had heard God calling my name again. (The first time was in the holy roller time in high school. Multiple doors had opened for me, but I did not have the "in flesh" confirmation from those around me, and so I turned another direction. The departure became more and more rapid as my rejection of the call increased...). The first and second times I heard that noise, I paid no attention. I didn't share it with anyone, except the information department at ATS--they'd have to pay some attention to me, right, since I had my undergrad from there. I just hoped they didn't have any records on me other than my respectable transcript...

The third time was the charm, as some might call it. Others might call it something entirely different! The third time, I dared to share the noise with my pastor and friend. Mebane was no help! Entirely sarcastic! She, perhaps, had heard or seen something in me, including the Holy Spirit working in my life. She had seen my growing, even impetuous at times service in the church, sometimes being in places for reasons I did not know. She knew some of my bad and ugly and loved me still. She listened to my stirrings and then let me know something previously unknown to me: there was a UM seminary right up the road, in fact 16 miles door to door from my Plain City home. Hmm...but I really don't know much about this formal God-learning stuff. I would be way behind the curve of others there. My other spiritual guide, Denise, had just gotten involved with a Youth Ministry Institute up there, so she had connections. She could make a phone call, or give me the connective information. Enter Colleen, who would be the first bride I would serve-assist after graduation from seminary some nearly 4 years later...

I was in a field where I was regionally respected, even as a near "expert" to some. I was well rewarded for my labors, as I said, extravagantly above. All was well with my world, especially in terms of markers of success. As I look at the trajectory of the company I was with, I have no doubt I'd have continued to grow and excel had I stayed with them. And they would have continued to love me extravagantly. They did continue to love me extravagantly as I began the next phase of my life journey...

Something was stirring deep inside of me. Someone was stirring. Restless heart. Restless soul. Restlessness. Why? What? Absurd to leave where I was, especially to chase something for which I was so ill equipped! I would never catch up on the knowledge curve! Ever! I wasn't sleeping well. I was made uncomfortable by the Word I was allowing to seep into me. I began to talk about it with some who were very close to me. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with my daughter, even as I was falling deeper and deeper in love with God. Why would I mess with things as they were pretty darn good....

I talked to Brook. I made an appointment to see Colleen. My feet never touched the ground. I met Lisa and Judy, one with whom I'd had contact while some ugly church stuff was happening at Jerome. I met Molly, Peg, and more. I called Brook as I left. We needed to talk. We met at the microbrewery on 23, appropriate for us. I told him what I was feeling, and he supported me, and we made plans for me to enroll as an occasional student. I was about to jump into some water that was legions over my head...but I was diving in...